RLW columnist Beau Ryan reveals that he’d love to be the fifth wheel on the Burgess bandwagon.
First thing’s first – I love my family and I love being a Ryan.
But if I had the opportunity to be the fifth Burgess brother, I would take it with both hands.
Besides my mum, they have the most beautiful mum in the world . . . and who could knock back the opportunity to hang out with Russell Crowe four nights a week.
Where do I start? The perks of being a Burgess brother go on and on . . . and on. I could basically do whatever I want and have lifetime protection. Even though I probably weigh the same as one of George’s legs, these guys would have my back every day of the week because I am their brother.
The twins alone are big enough to carry me around the streets like a pharaoh. And let’s face it, Sam has more money than the Australian economy.
I love the fact that, although the guys are more famous than Leonardo DiCaprio, they are so down to earth and true gentlemen – something their mother should be very proud of.
The guys are the pride and joy of South Sydney and one of the main reasons the mighty Rabbitohs went all the way in 2014. And judging by the look of George’s selfie last year, the guys seem to be pretty lucky where it counts!
Being Sam’s brother, I could travel over to Bath with him at the end of the year and be his personal assistant. I could answer calls for him, drive him around in his Bentley and, most importantly, count all of his money. I would have a Bluetooth in my ear at all times and have Russell Crowe’s number on speed dial.
But I would still get to be involved with rugby league, and I’d go to every South Sydney game. I would sit in the middle of The Burrow dressed as a gladiator and do Rusty’s trademark thumbs-up/thumbs-down when I wanted Souths to go on with it and finish the job.
However, there’d also be a few problems with being the fifth Burgess.
I don’t know if I’d get enough food in my system every week. I have a feeling the other four brothers would eat everything on the table, in the fridge and in the cupboards. After a few months I would probably end up looking like a corner post.
We could never ever share clothes, unless I was going to a fancy dress party as a gangster because all their T-shirts are 4XL and, last time I checked, I am a medium. Although, I guess I could put their T-shirts in the dryer for about three weeks.
Finally, the last problem would be that I’d never be able to find a hat that would fit me, because my head would be the same size as theirs and that would look quite funny on my body. I would be walking around town looking like a lollipop!
But after weighing up all these things, I believes the pros far outweigh the cons, and being the fifth Burgess brother would be a dream come true.
Glory, glory to South Sydney.